Trying to see through a cultural lense

 Wolisso

Two of the teachers in my school have being trying to "get" with me. Them and the clerk at the post office, who stole my telephone number and would creepily call me late at night trying to speak English, but only managing to say the word "Hello, are you fine?" over and over again. Weeirddooo.

Being the foreigner in town definitely gets you plenty of unwanted attention, especially when people think that you'd be a ticket to America. But what I find absolutely hilarious is the way some of my suitors approach & talk to me.

Both of the teachers would text me late at night and talk about how pretty & kind & sociable I was, that nights were lonely in Africa and that he could be my friend. The other tried flattery but avoided being as forward as the last guy, but he'd invite out to bunna bets (coffee houses) so I knew he was interested. I never responded to either one of these guys texts, I would just read them and laugh.

But one day after I had finished teaching, and began to walk home, one of the teachers popped out of nowhere and decided to escort me home.

"Ashley, are you fine? How is the weather condition?
"Oh, yes I am doing well, and the weather is great." I said, hoping this convo wouldn't be long.
"Did you get my message? You did not respond"
*silence*

Honestly I was surprised he would even bring up the fact that I've been ignoring him, I didnt want to be rude... I can be subtle and get the same message across I thought to myself.

"uhm yes.. I got your message, but you texted me too late. I do not respond to messages that late at night. If you want to talk to me, then text me during the day"

"Oh ok..." He solemnly replied.

*awkward silence*

"Well I think I'm going to take a bajaj instead of walking home. I will see you tomorrow at school! Ciao" I tried escaping as quickly as I could, but he was not about to give up that easily.

"I will bajaj with you!" He jumps in the little car with me and proceeds engaging me in a conversation I want to label as... uniquely Ethiopian.

"Ashley, what kind of weather do you like?"
Odd question I thought to myself, but whatever... its harmless "Uhm idk, cold weather I guess"

"Yes.. most fat people like the cold."

My Jaw Dropped.

WWOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW
Did he really just say that lol

I was confused... I know he likes me... so he cant be trying to insult me can he?

 And he continued.

"I think it must make your breathing easier..."

I start laughing at this point... "yes maybe"

The bajaj begins nearing my exit, so I jump off and try to pay for my ride.

"NO, NO, NO.. I will pay!" He says as he pushes my money away and gives the driver his own.
"Oh you dont have to do that, please let me pay.. I insist!" I try again.

"NO, no, no, no" He hands the driver the cash and gets out of the car with me.
"So where is your house" he begins to ask.

I really don't want this guy to walk me home and find out where I live. Hes not a creep or anything, hes a sweet guy, but I just don't want to deal with having him pop up near/around my house or "accidentally" bumping into me.

"Uhm I'm going to go to the post office first" I tell him, "so goodbye! Ciao" I wave goodbye and start walking away.

"Wait, wait!" He says as he runs behind me to catch up. "I have to go to the post office too."

-_-

really... REALLY?!

whatever. So we walk to the post office together.

Once there I had to write the letters, add addresses and everything because I wasnt originally planning to send the mail that day. But the guy backed me into a corner.

The process of letter writing, and mailing took about 20min and the interested teacher just stood there the entire time, patiently waiting for me.

After 1 escape attempt. 1 bajaj ride (that he paid for). 20 min at the post office. And fresh out of ideas to stall with. I decided to tell him that I was going to go home now.

"First come, lets drink coffee" He said with an little smile.

He really was harmless. And he's just trying to show me that hes interested so I guess I can be a little nicer to him, especially since hes so determined to try, I thought to myself.

"Ok.. lets go."

We sat inside the little bunna bet and continued making chit chat. The chit chat that im labeling unique to Ethiopians once again.

"Ashley, I like your clothes, you, you dress so simple. So many women in Ethiopia spend so much time on their hair and makeup, and nails and wear these high heels and they spend so much money! But you are different, you only wear T-shirts"

 "Yes I do have a lot of T-shirts" I said with a smile. Here in Wolisso, I make sure to dress simply. In fact I choose an outfit & wear that outfit for the entire week, because that's what nearly everyone does here. And I'm not trying to stand out as the rich American with a ton of clothes and a different outfit everyday. In Wolisso I keep it simple... now Addis is a different story.

"... and your hair is always like that..."

I smile and nod in acknowledgment.

"... and, see, look, there is a hole in your shirt now..."

" haha yes" I said through a chuckle of surprise. Why am I getting the feeling that this dude  is lowkey bashing me?!

"Well... actually I do like to get made up a lot, but because I'm in Ethiopia, I try to keep it simple since I am not interested in dating.. I am only here to work..." I said, hoping he would pick up on my meaning.

"Yes, yes but you have a natural beauty. You do not need the makeup or to straighten your hair"

"aww thanks"

"Ashley do you ever workout?"

"uhm yes, but not as much as I should"

"Yes, I noticed that you always take a bajaj to school. You do not walk"

"I do take the bajaj, but I enjoy walking too."

"Maybe this is why you are so fat?! huh"

I was unable to suppress the laughter this time. I start cracking up.
This. is. Unbelievable.

"What is so funny? Did you hear about the American man who weighs more than 500 kilos!!"

"Oh wow, no I did not" I said, while wondering how much 500 kilos was in pounds.

"How much do you weigh?!"

*silence*
ok... RUDE! And I swear I remember being told that in Ethiopian culture, asking questions about a womans weight & age IS considered rude. So why is he asking me this?

"uhm well I dont know because we dont use kilos in America" I answered

"well how many pounds are you then?"

This guy just wont quit! And idk if I should tell him that this is considered to be rude or inappropriate in my American culture...

"Well honestly I dont know that either because I have not weighed myself in over 5 months"

"Well, I think you are maybe 100 kilos or something like that."

Did he really just guess at my weight.... Why is he so stuck on this?!
And how much is 100 kilos I wondered... I bet hes really trying to insult me!

( I looked it up later and 100 kilos is 220 pounds. Which for a 5'3 -5'4 girl is pretty freaking big. Not that hes WAAAYY off. I have weighed that much in my life, and more at my highest weight, but I certainly wasn't 220 now)

"How big is your bed Ashley?"
" Uh I dont know" I replied, glancing at the door and waiting for the opportune moment to leave. And if he uses the topic of my bed to say another fat comment....

"I think there is room enough for two people on it?" He asks

"Uhm I guess, but I always sleep alone. Anyway, I have to go, bye!"

I had to end that conversation short before it got any further. I left feeling a complex mixture of amusement, annoyance and bewilderment.

His last comment about my bed makes me think he is still trying to "flirt" or let me know hes interested. But the fat comments, on top of how bummy I dressed just really confused me. And they annoyed me too.

I couldn't decide what his intentions were!
I decided to believe that they were harmless and that this guy was just very blunt. I've had other encounters like this before in my town in Ethiopia. From my community liasion who I think was intentionally being rude, to random people I engage in conversation in Wolisso and now this teacher.

None of these encounters about my "fatness" has made me feel insecure or upset.

Well except one time.
The only time I was devastated by an Ethiopian that called me fat, was when the guy was very attractive, and in the midst of a conversation with me batting my eyelashes, and smiling as I stared in admiration of his beauty, he casually mentioned that I was fat. And in that moment I knew he probably didnt feel the same way about me lol

Through all these encounters I try to remind myself to look through a cultural lense, to see why some people say what they say, what they mean and their intentions behind it. This is something that all PCVs have to do if they want to survive in country, heck its something every person who travels internationally has to do if they want to enjoy travel & learn from new peoples and cultures. Get out of your cultural mindset and into another's. This is the only way to understand different people and to appreciate them for what/who they are.

I've learned to accept the "Fat" thing in Ethiopia, when I do hear it. I dont get upset, &  I dont feel insecure about myself. It instead makes me laugh because I know its not coming from a negative place, the innocence in the comment makes the situation very humours to me and to many other PCV's. We all share our "fat" stories.

One person I knew was living in Ethiopia and training for a marathon. Her Ethiopian friends were all out drinking the night before the marathon, and they asked her to drink with them.

"NO no, I cant have a drink. I have a run tomorrow and I don't want to get dehydrated" She replied.
"You are too fat to run. If you can not run, your fat is why" One guy said.
"You must use the extra fat that you have as strength to run" Another chimed in

lol

Another PCV was sitting down & talking to this Ethiopian man who was fasting for some religious holiday.

"You should fast! You have so much fat, you would be good for fasting!" The man excitedly told him.