Im trying to laugh it off, but I'm so close to crying: The life of an International Teacher

I’ve always wanted to be a teacher.

I was that little girl who made her siblings play “school” instead of “house”. I worked as a tutor, a camp counselor, a T.A., an after-school teacher, and a Substitute teacher. If it involved teaching in any fashion, I was on it. I did it all.

But there is nothing quite like being a full time teacher. Nothing can prepare you for the heartache, the frustration, the love and emotional roller coaster you will go on with your students. Its great, but God is it hard!

And my first full time teaching gig just had to be out here in Ethiopia. With over-sized classrooms, kids who don't speak English as a first language and with a school culture completely different from what I was used to. As if teaching isn't already hard enough.

I had spent 3 days going over the verb To Be with my students.

Giving them this simple equation and these fill in the blank statements.
Easy right?! All my students should get this, especially because this is review for them. Students in Ethiopia start learning English at a young age, it is included into their school curriculum from the start, and so by High school, they are expected to know the basics.

And most of my kids did.
As I’d be writing the statements out on the board, many students would yell out the answer before I could finish writing the sentence. I smiled to myself thinking that my kids were Gobez Clever and that this year would be a piece of cake.

I assigned homework, and later as I began correcting it I saw


They __have to____ going to school
He ___was___ a very smart student.
She  __he__sleeping


What? I was confused. Now out of 180 students maybe 20 made such mistakes. The majority clearly understood, but mixed up some conjugations and 30 other students didn't even turn in the homework.

The next day I explained to my students that we are ONLY using the verb To Be and ONLY in present tense. And I demonstrated examples.

“ Does everyone understand?”

Silence

“ DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I yelled a little louder.

Silence

“ DO YOU UNDERSTAND, GILSANO?” Understand?

5 gobez (clever) students answer “ yes, teacher it is easy!”

My students refusing to answer, & even avoiding eye contact for fear of me calling on them lol


“ Ok but If any students ever need help, I will stay after school and tutor you. Please ask questions, it is the only way you will ever learn!”

Silence. blank stares and looks of boredom from my students who I know actually get it.

That night as I began checking more classwork and homework, I noticed the same mistakes!
And with every new activity I have given them there are always random or way off answers that make absolutely no sense.

I dont understand it and I dont know what to do. After a month of lessons & 1 quiz I began to question life itself. Am I not clear? Am I that bad of a teacher? Or are my kids just dumb?

I refuse to believe the latter, sure some students need more help than others but EVERYONE can learn. I just haven't figured out the best way to reach my kids who struggle the most.
Its incredibly difficult and as each day passes and I see no progress, my heart aches and I begin questioning my ability to do this.

NO ONE ever asks for help, No students ever show up or ask me about tutoring. The only kids who engage me in discussions outside of class are the gobez kids, because they are the only ones secure enough in their English to actually approach me.

I spoke to a few of the Ethiopian staff members about this issue and how they go about helping the kids who are struggling. But no one seemed to understand my question, the answers I got were all along the line of “yes, there is a huge difference between students and their ability. Some get it and some don’t.”

And that was all many of them had to say about it.

How am I suppsed to teach a class where 25% of the kids understand me pretty well, 50% are a little lost and need others to translate for them and the remaining 25% can barely write their A, B, C's ?!

The gap between students and their abilities is jarring. With a class of 60 it is really hard identifying which kids really need help, especially because Ethiopian students cheat like crazy! Peace Corps warned us about the cheating and how it is done shamelessly here. I don't think the students think of it as cheating, but more like sharing and helping a friend. But it doesn't help at all.

 In an effort to engage all levels of students in my class I decided to create a seating chart. Grouping off the Gobez kids, Average students and those who need the most help. I even started assigning different homework assignments to each group, to reduce the possibility of cheating and to give more challenging assignments to those who needed to be challenged, and easier assignments to those who needed more help.

But I don't see it working yet.

 One kid had the nerve to copy his friends homework, even though they were assigned DIFFERENT HOMEWORKS! The answers did not fit, and I don't think the student even noticed smh.

I have 3 classes, each with 60ish kids in them and many of them are falling between the cracks. Some of them dont even care, they dont take notes in class, they dont even try, and this is sad, but it does not bother me as much. If you dont care, then why should I? But then I have those students who turn in their assignments, who take notes and who I think really want to learn but they are just so far behind! And these are the ones my heart aches for, these are the ones who frustrate me, the ones I get angry at myself over.

I cant make them stay for tutoring, I can't make them go to a Saturday class. These students lives and their stories are so different and unique, and I have to be sensitive about that. Some of the kids in my class work several jobs, some help their parents take care of their siblings or help their fathers out on a farm. Some of my students are parents of their own, they have kids and husbands to attend to.

I’ll never forget the moment when a female student came up to me almost in tears, just begging me to take her late homework assignment. I started to say how I don't accept late work, when she started telling  me that her youngest child had gotten sick and so she had to miss class.

Her story shut me up real quick and reminded me that I'm not teaching in America. Peace Corps told us to be sensitive to our students lives and to consider things that will effect their education that we wouldn't normally think of. Things like your high school student being a parent, wife or husband. Your student having to miss work because it is Harvest season, and they must work in the fields, or on Market days selling goods. I may teach 9th grade English but my kids ages range from 14 to mid 20’s and each student has their own story.

Adjusting to life in Ethiopia is pretty much done, I'm 4 months in and I’ve established a bit of a routine. But adjusting to teaching in Ethiopia has only begun, and I’m constantly searching for new ideas, better approaches and ways to improve. The simplest things like taking attendance becomes a nightmare when you have 60-70 kids in your class, only 42min a period and you spend time stumbling over and pronouncing their names. Giving homework assignments and test become a pain when there is no money to print out such test or homework’s. When you don't get your own office, or your own classroom. I haul 180 notebooks from my school, to my house and back when its time to grade something.

Teaching is hard. Period.
 And it wasn't until coming to Ethiopia and teaching full time did I realize that your students failures become your own. That each missed answer hurts and I feel like my spirit is being crushed just a little every day.These kids futures ride on their grasp of the English language. You have to pass an English exam in order to go to college. And I don't know if Ill be able to do what PC brought me out here to do. I don’t want to lose hope in my kids or in myself, but it is an uphill battle, my own personal Jericho, and the outcome looks bleak.

Wow. I just reread that last paragraph and I sound so defeated. Someone pray for me lol, I think I’ll end this blog post and watch some uplifting movie about a highschool teacher who manages to engage the students everyone else thought was lost… I’ll brb lol

The halls of my school

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Chamber Pot #2

I professed my love for the chamber pot once a few months ago.. and not much has changed. In Wolisso I still use a chamber pot, the little plastic bucket I keep in my room,  and I do love it, but now like all loves, things have gotten complicated…

Many people use a chamber pot, its a common thing here. But many people are not as embarrassed as I am to carry their pee pots from their homes to the shint bet, which is across the compound. I live on a compound with maybe 8 other people, and they carry their pee pots with pride and walk with their heads high. But I get embarrassed... walking with a bowl of pee is strange. So to avoid being seen carrying mine on a daily basis, I end up using my chamber pot over and over and over again, until its completely full. I do this in order to reduce the walks of chamber pot holding shame.

But this ends up making things worse because now here I am walking with a giant pot of pee, an amount so absurd that everyone knows it must have taken days of accumulated pee to get to that full lol

On top of all this, I am then forced to take small slooowww steps all the way to the shint bet, or else my chamber pot which is filled to the brim, starts sloshing all around and wetting my fingers as I hold the bowl... its kind of gross and its safe to say I'm still trying to figure out a way of avoiding my Chamber pot shame.