School started on Monday, July 14th and I was more excited than I thought I’d be to talk to my fellow American volunteers about their Home stay situations.
When I wake up, I get out of bed, grab my toiletry items and go outside to get to the shower, sink and toilet. Although our shower only spouts cold water, I am lucky because my family actually has a shower head, most other PCV’s (Peace Corps Volunteers) bathe in and with buckets. Taking a cold shower at 6am is no joke…I find myself mentally arguing with myself, and questioning the importance of being clean as goosebumps appear all over my arms, and legs and I shiver uncontrollably. I can go 2 years without a shower right? It cant be THAT critical to my health…
After enduring the pain that is bathing, I finish up with my morning routine and am ready for training class.
I leave our cozy compound, my host dad walks me to school where I meet up with a few of my PCV friends.
“OMG, how is your family?”
“Did you hear the hyenas last night?”
“Im going to kill the rooster in my compound” “Did Peace Corps tell our families that Americans love PB&J or something?!”
“Can we get trainings on how to use a shint bet? I was doing a #2 and I kinda missed the hole”
It is comforting and very amusing to swap stories, ask questions and just knowing that there are other people like myself going through the same things here in Ethiopia. By the way, a shint bet is the name for the bathroom here. In my house we have a western toilet, and we also have a shint bet, which is basically an outhouse. An outdoor room, with a cement floor and a hole that you squat over to … do your business.
Our first session entitled “ Homestay Debrief”, was very comical as all 70 of us volunteers openly asked questions to the Experienced Peace Corps staff and the Ethiopian staff members.
“ Alan walked me home last night, and now my family thinks he's my husband… is it culturally inappropriate to hang out with a man or something, unless we are married?”
“I have not used the bathroom since I arrived in Ethiopia 2 weeks ago… Im worried.”
“I have a lot freckles, clearly as you and see, but I don't think my family understands what a freckle is…I think Im the first white person they have seen with freckles. They keep asking me if im in pain… they think im sick or have a disease or something, how do I explain it to them?”
“My host dad told me that he wants me to go to church with him, but I hear its 3 hours long! Do I have to go?”
And the Q&A session continued. I definitely had a few questions, its hard living in a culture that you really know nothing about. Especially when you are staying with a family and knowing that you will end up saying or doing something that they might see as rude or ungrateful.
For example
It seems that there can be a huge culture clash with the dating scene in Ethiopia and social interactions.
*Not that I have been dating, but PC staff tries to give us a very well rounded education on all things culture related, and I found this exercise very interesting. PC grouped off the male PCVs, female PCVs, Male Ethiopian staff, and female Ethiopian staff and had all 4 groups write out signs they look for in the opposite sex that say they want to have sex, and signs they give to the opposite sex, and this is what happened…
The American males & females also made a list, but because most of you reading this are american, im sure you can think of them yourself. What stood out to me right away when I read this list, was that wearing perfume in Ethiopia, might be interpreted by men that I was interested
in sex… my jaw dropped when I read that, but then I smiled, because I realized that now I have even more of a reason not to shower for the next 2 years ;)
Another volunteer was very upset that simply existing and sitting alone at night or in a bar, would give men preconceived notions about her. Being in a bar, showing “too much” skin, playing with your hair and “swinging hips” i.e.: walking lol all = interested female in these guys’ eyes. Now I know that a select few cannot represent an entire race, but this was done to provide general information and what the majority, especially in traditional, more rural areas might think.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * *
That sweet release
The chamber pot (orange plastic bucket) next to my bed is ruining me. At first, I ignored it, I decided that I could just hold any bodily fluids that wanted to escape and wait until morning, but eventually it happened. Honestly, it was inevitable, I always have to go at night and i don't know why I thought that would change here in Africa. Because of my night time ritual of using this chamber pot, my body has 100% fully adapted and is completely comfortable with peeing in this pot in my bedroom. In fact, synapses fire off in my brain every time I step into my room and I get the urge to pee, it doesn't even have to be nighttime anymore! Now I find myself, in the middle of the day, trying to race out of my bedroom and into the bathroom (which is outside of the house) squiggling, squealing and rubbing my knees together, doing the full pee-pee dance because I just cant hold my bladder anymore. I can complain about this pot ruining me, or I can be honest and say that its totally liberating. There is nothing quite like squatting over a plastic orange bucket and feeling that sweet release. lol
Differences
After class today, I headed straight home and found Fantaye (Fan - tie - A) sitting in the living room making bunna (coffee) with 2 other women I did not recognize. Greeting were made, hugs and kisses exchanged and shortly after drinking a few cups of bunna, the unknown women (who turned out to be cousins of my host mom) left.
Fantaye and I, were left in the living room, just sitting and chatting. Fantaye is a 34 year old, friend of my host moms, who is renting out a room here on our compound. She speaks great english, and that reason alone is enough to make me love her.
“Wow I never knew Emebet (my inate/mom) had such a big family”
“Yeah, they are her cousins, they live out in the country and in more rural areas”
“oh ok… and they came all the way here to visit”
“Yes, family is very important here in Ethiopia” “Yes I’ve noticed that already… things are just different in the US. My family is pretty close, but I think you all have a much healthier family dynamic out here in Ethiopia”
“Well if you dont have your family, what else do you have? It can be a blessing and a curse really. But I’m sure your family is not that different than ours.”
“No, its very different. You told me that Tadele (my abate/dad) bought a cow yesterday because his sister is getting married, and that her fiancé’s family has to come over to the house, to see if we are a wealthy enough family for him to marry into. That is very different than what we do in the states. We do not buy cows to show that we have money, but mainly we don't even get our families approval.”
“What!? You wouldn't want your dads approval? You wouldn't care if your family didn't like your boyfriend?”
“No, I would love his approval, but it just doesn't work that way. My dad doesn't even want to meet the men I date, He said he doesn't want to meet them UNTIL they have already proposed. And no, I don't need approval from my family or anything like that. People get married sometimes without their family even knowing, and without their parents at the wedding.” “Aww, thats so sad.”
“yeah I guess…Do people ever get married here, even when their family does not approve?”
“Uhm.. sometimes. But mainly only in Addis. Here you have to get the churches approval, and your families.”
“wait, your church has to approve?”
“Yes, if you are dating or want to date, or want to get married, we ask the pastor for their blessing. People still get married if the church doesn't approve, but they cant get married at the church and its not as nice.”
“Oh wow, well what would you do if you were in love but your pastor told you that he doesn't think you should marry the guy?”
*grimaces* “uhm… I dont know, I guess if I really loved him, I would try convincing the church. But things like that happen all the time here. Remember the boyfriend I told you about?”
“Yes, the one you met at your job, right?”
“Yes. We were together for 3 years before we broke up. And we broke up because his family didn't approve of me.”
“What! 3 years, you were together for 3 years and it ended just because of his family?! Thats crazy… 3 years, he obviously loved you. Why would he care what his family thought?”
“If you marry without your families permission, they can disown you. And one time he did tell me that we should just run away, but I would not like that. What if we have kids, I want them to know their grandparents, their aunts and uncles. And I didn't want to marry into a family like that anyway”
“What do you mean?”
“They didn't like me because of this.” Fantaye points to her leg.
“oh…..” Fantaye’s left leg is disproportionate to her right. It is smaller, shorter and can not support her weight. Because of this she walks with a metal cane, and has a slight limp.
“Thats absolutely insane. You are intelligent, you have 2 university degrees, an amazing heart and personality and you work in a hospital. You make good money, and have a good job, you speak fluent English!”
“I know, but people see only what they choose too.” She begins tearing up. “Because of this leg, I may never marry. People see it and think I’m cursed, or that I will have kids with the same problem. It is sad, but I pray and believe that there is a family that won’t care when their son wants to marry me.”
I get up to hug her. “Im so sorry Fantaye, but you will find a family that wont care. You are an amazing woman. I would be so mad if I were you, I know your culture and values are different, but I would think that man was such a coward!”
She laughs. “No, he is not, it is not like that. You are right, we are different, and the situation may be harder for a foreigner to understand.”
“I nod my head, yes obviously” I say with a smile and chuckle.
When I wake up, I get out of bed, grab my toiletry items and go outside to get to the shower, sink and toilet. Although our shower only spouts cold water, I am lucky because my family actually has a shower head, most other PCV’s (Peace Corps Volunteers) bathe in and with buckets. Taking a cold shower at 6am is no joke…I find myself mentally arguing with myself, and questioning the importance of being clean as goosebumps appear all over my arms, and legs and I shiver uncontrollably. I can go 2 years without a shower right? It cant be THAT critical to my health…
After enduring the pain that is bathing, I finish up with my morning routine and am ready for training class.
I leave our cozy compound, my host dad walks me to school where I meet up with a few of my PCV friends.
“OMG, how is your family?”
“Did you hear the hyenas last night?”
“Im going to kill the rooster in my compound” “Did Peace Corps tell our families that Americans love PB&J or something?!”
“Can we get trainings on how to use a shint bet? I was doing a #2 and I kinda missed the hole”
It is comforting and very amusing to swap stories, ask questions and just knowing that there are other people like myself going through the same things here in Ethiopia. By the way, a shint bet is the name for the bathroom here. In my house we have a western toilet, and we also have a shint bet, which is basically an outhouse. An outdoor room, with a cement floor and a hole that you squat over to … do your business.
Our first session entitled “ Homestay Debrief”, was very comical as all 70 of us volunteers openly asked questions to the Experienced Peace Corps staff and the Ethiopian staff members.
“ Alan walked me home last night, and now my family thinks he's my husband… is it culturally inappropriate to hang out with a man or something, unless we are married?”
“I have not used the bathroom since I arrived in Ethiopia 2 weeks ago… Im worried.”
“I have a lot freckles, clearly as you and see, but I don't think my family understands what a freckle is…I think Im the first white person they have seen with freckles. They keep asking me if im in pain… they think im sick or have a disease or something, how do I explain it to them?”
“My host dad told me that he wants me to go to church with him, but I hear its 3 hours long! Do I have to go?”
And the Q&A session continued. I definitely had a few questions, its hard living in a culture that you really know nothing about. Especially when you are staying with a family and knowing that you will end up saying or doing something that they might see as rude or ungrateful.
For example
It seems that there can be a huge culture clash with the dating scene in Ethiopia and social interactions.
*Not that I have been dating, but PC staff tries to give us a very well rounded education on all things culture related, and I found this exercise very interesting. PC grouped off the male PCVs, female PCVs, Male Ethiopian staff, and female Ethiopian staff and had all 4 groups write out signs they look for in the opposite sex that say they want to have sex, and signs they give to the opposite sex, and this is what happened…
in sex… my jaw dropped when I read that, but then I smiled, because I realized that now I have even more of a reason not to shower for the next 2 years ;)
Another volunteer was very upset that simply existing and sitting alone at night or in a bar, would give men preconceived notions about her. Being in a bar, showing “too much” skin, playing with your hair and “swinging hips” i.e.: walking lol all = interested female in these guys’ eyes. Now I know that a select few cannot represent an entire race, but this was done to provide general information and what the majority, especially in traditional, more rural areas might think.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * *
That sweet release
The chamber pot (orange plastic bucket) next to my bed is ruining me. At first, I ignored it, I decided that I could just hold any bodily fluids that wanted to escape and wait until morning, but eventually it happened. Honestly, it was inevitable, I always have to go at night and i don't know why I thought that would change here in Africa. Because of my night time ritual of using this chamber pot, my body has 100% fully adapted and is completely comfortable with peeing in this pot in my bedroom. In fact, synapses fire off in my brain every time I step into my room and I get the urge to pee, it doesn't even have to be nighttime anymore! Now I find myself, in the middle of the day, trying to race out of my bedroom and into the bathroom (which is outside of the house) squiggling, squealing and rubbing my knees together, doing the full pee-pee dance because I just cant hold my bladder anymore. I can complain about this pot ruining me, or I can be honest and say that its totally liberating. There is nothing quite like squatting over a plastic orange bucket and feeling that sweet release. lol
1 - Africa
0 - America
* * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * Differences
After class today, I headed straight home and found Fantaye (Fan - tie - A) sitting in the living room making bunna (coffee) with 2 other women I did not recognize. Greeting were made, hugs and kisses exchanged and shortly after drinking a few cups of bunna, the unknown women (who turned out to be cousins of my host mom) left.
Fantaye and I, were left in the living room, just sitting and chatting. Fantaye is a 34 year old, friend of my host moms, who is renting out a room here on our compound. She speaks great english, and that reason alone is enough to make me love her.
“Wow I never knew Emebet (my inate/mom) had such a big family”
“Yeah, they are her cousins, they live out in the country and in more rural areas”
“oh ok… and they came all the way here to visit”
“Yes, family is very important here in Ethiopia” “Yes I’ve noticed that already… things are just different in the US. My family is pretty close, but I think you all have a much healthier family dynamic out here in Ethiopia”
“Well if you dont have your family, what else do you have? It can be a blessing and a curse really. But I’m sure your family is not that different than ours.”
“No, its very different. You told me that Tadele (my abate/dad) bought a cow yesterday because his sister is getting married, and that her fiancé’s family has to come over to the house, to see if we are a wealthy enough family for him to marry into. That is very different than what we do in the states. We do not buy cows to show that we have money, but mainly we don't even get our families approval.”
“What!? You wouldn't want your dads approval? You wouldn't care if your family didn't like your boyfriend?”
“No, I would love his approval, but it just doesn't work that way. My dad doesn't even want to meet the men I date, He said he doesn't want to meet them UNTIL they have already proposed. And no, I don't need approval from my family or anything like that. People get married sometimes without their family even knowing, and without their parents at the wedding.” “Aww, thats so sad.”
“yeah I guess…Do people ever get married here, even when their family does not approve?”
“Uhm.. sometimes. But mainly only in Addis. Here you have to get the churches approval, and your families.”
“wait, your church has to approve?”
“Yes, if you are dating or want to date, or want to get married, we ask the pastor for their blessing. People still get married if the church doesn't approve, but they cant get married at the church and its not as nice.”
“Oh wow, well what would you do if you were in love but your pastor told you that he doesn't think you should marry the guy?”
*grimaces* “uhm… I dont know, I guess if I really loved him, I would try convincing the church. But things like that happen all the time here. Remember the boyfriend I told you about?”
“Yes, the one you met at your job, right?”
“Yes. We were together for 3 years before we broke up. And we broke up because his family didn't approve of me.”
“What! 3 years, you were together for 3 years and it ended just because of his family?! Thats crazy… 3 years, he obviously loved you. Why would he care what his family thought?”
“If you marry without your families permission, they can disown you. And one time he did tell me that we should just run away, but I would not like that. What if we have kids, I want them to know their grandparents, their aunts and uncles. And I didn't want to marry into a family like that anyway”
“What do you mean?”
“They didn't like me because of this.” Fantaye points to her leg.
“oh…..” Fantaye’s left leg is disproportionate to her right. It is smaller, shorter and can not support her weight. Because of this she walks with a metal cane, and has a slight limp.
“Thats absolutely insane. You are intelligent, you have 2 university degrees, an amazing heart and personality and you work in a hospital. You make good money, and have a good job, you speak fluent English!”
“I know, but people see only what they choose too.” She begins tearing up. “Because of this leg, I may never marry. People see it and think I’m cursed, or that I will have kids with the same problem. It is sad, but I pray and believe that there is a family that won’t care when their son wants to marry me.”
I get up to hug her. “Im so sorry Fantaye, but you will find a family that wont care. You are an amazing woman. I would be so mad if I were you, I know your culture and values are different, but I would think that man was such a coward!”
She laughs. “No, he is not, it is not like that. You are right, we are different, and the situation may be harder for a foreigner to understand.”
“I nod my head, yes obviously” I say with a smile and chuckle.
How sad :( It sounds like you'd have to go through leaps and hurdles just to be approved,
ReplyDeleteIt's probably hard to marry someone you actually love. Maybe marriage is much more than "love" in ethiopian
culture.
Amazing isn't it... The cultural values and how quick we are as Americans to get mad, neglect family and run away! American family values are diminishing and I won't sit here and say that I'm not apart of it.
ReplyDeleteAnywho, those stories exchanged above are hilarious! Reminds me of my volunteer experience in Costa Rica. I was blessed to live with a family that had tv's, warm and cold water and toilets... Some of the other groups had none of that and their shower water would stop mid-shampooing! Lol
Sounds great! You already have stories for your grandchildren ;)
I enjoyed this post too Ashley! Especially your having to "pep talk" yourself into showers! LOL! however long your able to do that regularly i salute you! And whats this talk of hyenas??? Dont kill the rooster either!!! I don not think that will earn you brownie points with the family!
ReplyDeleteLove you my dearest!
hahah thanks steph! and yeah there are hyenas out here!! hyenas and monkeys.. i have not managed to get a photo though
ReplyDeletei totally agree with you! i think america has a few values that are diminishing haha and oh my goodness i wish i could have read about your costa rican experience and thanks!!! :) it makes me so happy to know ppl are reading lol
ReplyDeleteyeah it was really sad and yeah man idk, i hope to learn more...
ReplyDeleteWOW the shower thing really got me mad...i hate cold showers! Your pretty brave to take a cold shower I think I would be funky lol The story about your host mom friend really was touching...I am glad you gave someone to talk to out there who speaks good english in the fam
ReplyDelete